love on her arms
by spidermonkey-09
Summary: Bella goes through a trauma leaving her scared for life. will Edward break through her walls? read and review please.based on a true story, deals with;bullying,mature themes,underage drinking, drug abuse, rape, Pregnancy, self harm,swearing. xx
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just using the characters to tell a story and I figured it would be much easier to use these characters to tell this story instead of using my own name and having no one read it.

I don't mind any age reading as it gives all ages something to think about. This story will deal with-

-bullying

-mature themes;

-underage drinking

-drug abuse

-rape

-Pregnancy

-self harm

-swearing

Hi, I'm from England so sorry if I get things wrong or spell things differently also I'm writing this of my own experience and life and believe it or not I'm only 17. Please be patient with me updating as it is a hard story for me to tell. So sorry if things don't make sense or it doesn't go smoothly. I hope anyone who suffers in silence will find help in TWLOHA (to write love on her arms), they will help you. They helped me. I wanted to tell this story so that people are aware of what goes on around them because more than likely the victim will hide away and suffer in silence and no one will notice before finding help, although some don't find it at all. If you have seen the film 'speak' with Kristen Stewart in then this story is similar but believe me this one's true.

Please read and review. Also if you just want to talk. Don't hesitate I'll be happy to help although I'm not 100% still but I will help as much as I can.

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Chapter one prologue-

New Year's eve, forks roads seemed to have deserted every family was together but all the teenagers from the households surrounding seemed to have disappeared they were at Jessica Stanley's summer house down at La Push. Anyone who was considered to be someone was there; the party already seemed to be in full swing at 8, Isabella Swan had been there since 4 in the afternoon she arrived early due to her mother coming home drunk and her father screaming and shouting at her for it. Bella as she liked to be called, was 12 years old she was unlike any other 12 year old for instance she shouldn't of been at this party but considering she had no friends her own age she hung round with people who were older. When she had left her house she had saw her ex boyfriends best friend, he had been speeding down the road when she was about to cross he had stopped and winded down his window and told her to come to the party at Stanley's, James was gunna be there. James Smith one of the hottest guys in town he had showed interest in Bella even though she was 2 years younger than him. That's why Bella was allowed to parties like this because of him.

It seemed even with drink down her Bella was still able to tell who were who and she had been drinking since she arrived. Jessica had let her in because of the jealousy she had wanted details from Bella on how James worked. Bella had merely told her James was the one who came to her first, this made Jessica angry and made it her priority to get Bella to tell her. Bella wanted to tell her that he may be hot to look at but there's no personality but she couldn't. She was still in love with him, most people find it stupid you can't be in love with someone at the age of 12 but Bella didn't know any different.

'This nights going to be interesting' Bella thought around 7 o clock when people started arriving. She saw people she knew people she didn't but she didn't see him.

An hour later the music was pumping you could see a lot of people were drunk and reckless people were setting up camp in the middle of the make–shift dance floor with their boyfriends it seemed no one cared what they were doing most of the girls had shredded there tops but their boyfriends didn't seem to mind Bella was sat on the sofa with a few girls she knew from before. They were passing a joint around the girl next to Bella took a few drags before looking at Bella,

''you wanna try?'' she asked

'' um I've never... I've never done it before'' Bella said loudly over the music.

''oh it's really easy you smoke right?'' the girl said leaning into Bella

''yeah'' Bella replied another habit she had picked up from being with James,

''well it's the same just go slow with it'' the girl said to her passing her the joint.

''thanks'' Bella said taking the joint, she carefully placed it to her lips and took a drag at first she didn't feel anything so she took another drag. She felt herself light headed and it seemed to take the edge of a bit, Bella smiled '' that's really good' she said before passing it on. Bella felt happier than she had done since James had told her it was over.

'' yeah take it you don't do other drugs then?''

''no'' Bella said  
''wanna try?''  
'' I'm not sure'' Bella replied warily

'' you can say no if you like'' the girl said to her

'' I'm gunna say no sorry just don't think I'm ready for that''

''ok, cool well come see me if you change your mind'' with that the girl stood up and left with her friends leaving Bella sat alone watching everyone else have fun.

She had been sat there a good 20 minutes before she was interrupted

''Hey Isabella'' a familiar voice said whilst sitting next to Bella

Bella stiffened and turned to look at who had sat next to her praying it wasn't him, but obviously god wasn't on her side. It was James,

''James'' she replied curtly

''oh come on Iz don't like that'' James said placing his hand on her leg near her knee.

''be like what? What do you want James'' she asked him

''Your being funny with me and I wanted to talk''

''About?'' ignoring his comment

''us...'' James whispered in her ear he moved his hand up her leg to her thigh.

Bella was shaking she couldn't get her head around what he wanted,

''what?'' feeling his hand she shuddered.

'' We left things on bad terms angel It was wrong of me to let you go'' he murmured in her ear letting his breath tickle her neck his other arm went around the back of her pulling closer

''James... please I don't understand. You said we were over finished'' Bella said confused

'' Izzy I was wrong to do that and looking at you now I know all I want is you'' James said to her

Bella turned and looked him in the eye and found she was falling for him again, James was staring back at her his one hand still on her leg the other wrapped around her shoulders.

''James'' she said leaning forward he leaned forward resting his head against her forehead ''I missed you'' James put his hand that was resting on her leg around the back of her and pulled her closer

'' I missed you too''

At that she smiled he then captured her lips in a soft kiss one that reminded her of how sweet he was, James pulled back looking into Bella's eye

''How you been?'' James asked her

''oh you know same as always'' Bella said looking away

James was disheartened at this but he didn't show it he wanted her to break.

'' I haven't seen you around school what you been doing?''

'' my mom and dad took me to Nan's so they could sort things out'' she snorted '' like that worked''

James knowing all about her family pulled her into a hug

''I'm sure it'll blow over'' stroking her hair

'' honestly I don't care anymore'' Bella sighed '' as long as I've got you'' she said looking into his eyes

'' yeah'' kissing her gently

James kept her in his arms as she was sat on his lap sideways. It was then James noticed something.

'' Iz have you been smoking?''

'' um yeah'' she blushed

'' smoking what?''

'' erm...I think it was weed.'' She replied

''well I don't want you doing that again. Understand?'' He demanded in a soft but assertive tone

'' I won't I promise'' she said scared of losing him again.

''Good girl'' He told her ''want another drink?''

''erm...ok sure?'' James got up leaving Bella alone again.

Bella looked around taking in the scene in front of her the heat from the bodies seemed to roll around the room making it feel it twice as hot as it usually would be. One thing for certain Bella knew she was only there for James. James appeared at the sofa offering his hand to Bella.

''come on'' pulling Bella outside, he gave her the drink ''drink it, it's got that vodka you like'' Bella thinking nothing funny of the drink she took several gulps of the liquid that burnt her throat when she swallowed. It was quiet for a few minutes as James watched her with a stare to finish her drink ''you might as well as drink the last bit'' James said to her as she went to the put the glass down. Bella looked at the glass and shrugged her shoulders she then proceeded to drink the rest of the glass.

James then proceeded to grab her hand and take her down to the bottom of the garden of where the party was being held at, there was not a person in shouting distance where he had taken her, Bella had started to feel weird.

''James'' she said stumbling into him '' I don't feel so good''

James smirked at this

''been about 20 mins since you had the drink right?''

Bella nodded

James' smirk widened, he pushed her against the bark of the tree he began to kiss her neck roughly moving his hands up and down her body. He squeezed her ass before moving his hand round to the front he cupped her roughly. During this Bella had lost all sense of movement she knew what he was about to do and found herself unable to move, he had her pinned against the trunk of the tree he was forcefully kissing her calling her names.

'' you fucking slut'' he had grunted into her ear before she felt a searing pain between her legs, she tried all her hardest to move but nothing worked it was like an invisible force holding her down.

Bella wasn't sure how long it lasted all she could feel was the pain all she could hear was his laboured breath and the words that he spat at her with every movement. For all she knew this could have been going for more than an hour it felt like years to her, he showed no sign of stopping and Bella tried to shout out, tried to move but nothing. Her body was a dead weight, James carried on bringing himself to the brink of ecstasy with one thought in his mind 'she will be broken' it took him a while to get her to trust him and he knew it would take a lot more than just a simple sorry for this to ever be corrected. 'Not that he wanted' he snarled his thoughts corrupt with destroying every part of her. This is what it took for him to feel relief. Once he had finished he zipped himself up and walked away leaving Bella on the floor covered in her own blood and tears.

Bella stumbled her way home, she walked up the street her shirt torn the jean skirt she wore rubbed against her thighs the pain was unbearable. Thankfully her house was less than 5 minutes up the street she got to her door and found it was open still; she crept inside not wanting to wake her mother up. Frightened of the possibilities that arguments would occur, she made it to her bedroom managing to strip of the tattered material that were once her favourite clothes she climbed into bed naked still shaking still sore still wondering what on earth had happened to make him treat her like that. It took her ages to get to sleep with the pain still throbbing between her thighs, her mind seemed to be more alive than ever as she realised before falling asleep that she would never be a child from that moment on her childhood had been ripped away from her. Eventually she fell asleep her last thoughts on her light days of just being able to be a child and have a laugh being gone, he had ripped her in more ways than one, broken everything she ever gave him and she knew life would never be the same.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer obviously XD

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Three days that's how long it had been. Three long painful days, Bella spent all of that time in bed claiming she was ill. Her 13th birthday she woke up to her mom singing happy birthday to her, Bella had started crying. This was just the beginning and she knew that, she felt her body rip again and again each time she tried to stand, all because of him.

Bella lay there wondering to herself why? Why would he do this? Didn't he love her? No, no he didn't otherwise he wouldn't have done any of it. She hoped there was a possibility of him being drugged or something but she knew he was the one to blame. He knew what he was doing and he knew how to trick her.

James, he was the one that made her feel like shit, made her feel as if she was nothing. Nothing to this world, she would have to live with the humiliation if letting it happen for the rest of her life.

''Izzy sweetie'' her mom called after finishing her melody of birthday cheer, as she knocked on her door.

Bella flinched at the name she never wanted to be called again.

''Happy birthday, are you getting up today?'' Renee her mother, young at heart walking in her room asked Bella.

'' No.'' Bella moaned pulling the bed covers over her head wincing at the pain.

''You still not very well baby?'' Renee asked her

''No mom I still feel ill and my stomachs hurting still'' Bella said as she winced at the name again

'' Oh ok sweetie well you sleep, I'll bring you something to eat in a bit'' Renee said shutting her door.

Bella lay there thinking over and over how to get it out her mind or whether to tell anyone. At all, or should she just forget it after all, James loved her right? And she still loved him there was no doubt about that. It was nearing three in the afternoon when she decided to attempt going to the bathroom, carefully she crept across the room her legs aching at every move. She opened the old creaky door and moved onto the landing where the floorboards squeaked as they hit the floor, she stopped at one creak hearing her mother and father talk over the telly.

''I'm telling you Renee something's not right. She hasn't got out the bed except go to the toilet since New Year's Eve.'' Charlie asked his equally worried wife

''I don't know Charlie maybe she's growing up we just don't know.'' Her mother sighed.

She couldn't face them, couldn't bare for them to know the truth the humiliation it would bring to her family in this small town. So she moved quickly to the bathroom where her legs gave way and she sunk to the floor crying, she was afraid of her own father.

Her own blood he brought her up you would think she could trust him over everyone, but no this was different she couldn't even think about going near him. She wanted to scream out loud for the world to hear but she didn't, she sat against her door sobbing no sound escaped as she clapped her hands over her mouth.

After a while Bella managed to get over to the toilet it was here she threw up, once again she found herself on the floor drained. She started to move again when a knock came at the door;

''hey Izzy you in there?'' Her father's voice came from the door.

Bella moved quickly getting up and flushing the chain, she got over to the sink looking in the mirror. She flinched at the sight, her hair was greasy matted it looked like a haystack she had black eyes from the makeup that she hadn't took off, her lips were chapped from her biting them to stop the noise coming out.

'' Izzy?'' He knocked again.

Bella flinching as she sipped water from her cupped hands,

'' Yh?'' She weakly replied

'' Are you alright?''

''Yeah'' she whispered

'' Don't think your having a day off tomorrow.'' He replied in an assertive tone.

'' Course not dad'' she looked away from the mirror at her hands.

Her hands were covered in scratches, she was shaking and found she couldn't bare that losing control of her thoughts was bad enough but to lose control of her actions, never again. At this she ripped her top off along with her pyjama bottoms off and got in the shower. She scrubbed and scrubbed till she blood smeared over arm. That scared her enough to turn the shower off and go back to her room; it was there she spent the remainder of her birthday staring at the wall. It was nearing 9o clock at night when her brothers turned up downstairs in from staying out with 'his' friends, she could hear her mom and dad telling them how she'd been acting,

''Start of the teenage years'' her mother mentioned to her brothers.

'If this is the start when is the end?' Bella thought.

It wasn't until she heard her brother coming upstairs that she decided to look busy she grabbed her hair brush and turned her straightners on she had just put the plate on her hair as the door opened.

''Hey Izz! Happy Birthday!'' Her eldest brother Sam cheered. She flinched causing the heat to burn the side of her hair. '' Oh shit sorry Izz didn't know.'' He apologised

''its fine'' she replied her voice cracking, she put down the straightners and stood up.

Sam was staring at her scrutinising every move she made and it made her feel uncomfortable;

'' Stop staring at me''

Sam looked at her shocked before looking away.

''Happy birthday''

'' Thanks.'' She replied again in a dead voice. She had no right to be happy her mind thought, 'not worth it you useless slag.' The thoughts James had put in his head she wanted to scream she shut her eyes for a second as the thoughts crept in. Sam looked at her worried and scared, she could feel his eyes on her and to her it felt like his eyes boring into her. She froze still, not moving she could hear her brother call her mom and dad but she couldn't move.

She felt an arm grab her and she screamed her body fell to the floor curling in on her. The feelings dragged her back to that night, 3 nights ago he had ripped her innocence away it made her skin crawl the thought he could still get to her, he could still do this again. It was enough for her to scream out loud, she sobbed till her tears fell no more. Her brothers had no idea what to do along with her parents they were all stumped as to why she was acting this way, she had never reacted to anything like this before and were all confused at her actions.

'' She's just doesn't want to go to school, you will be going even I drag you there myself.'' Her father thundered as he stormed out the room.

Renee walked over to Bella and sat next to her on the floor laying a hand on her back; Bella flinched and whimpered for her to get off. Her mother removed her hand as if she had been electrocuted, rejected by her little girl she left the room unable to deal with the hurt she felt from the denial of looking after her.

It was then her brother Jake who grabbed and turned her round before she could move, Bella froze and her body went limp. Jake looked at Sam his elder brother for guidance, Sam was clueless he had no idea what was wrong with his baby sister. Jake lifted her up and put her in bed so she would relax but before he could move away to put the blanket over her she had curled up with sobs racking her body. Sam and Jake had no idea what to do she had always told them what was wrong it had to be something big for her not to.

It could have been 10 minutes or 10 hours for all Bella knew she was trapped in a nightmare that she couldn't wake from. In this dream she relived the night cursing her stupidity for going with him, for trusting him she knew she couldn't and yet she still believed he had changed. The difference in this dream was the surroundings the past two nights had been about what he had done now she shut off from that looking round reliving the pain and she could see a shadow in her dream, a blind spot if you will she had no idea what that could be.

It was at that she jumped awake confused. She reached over for her alarm clock it read 4.30am, she flopped back the pain in her stomach had gone relieved she gently moved her leg to check if it had of gone there she winced as she moved it , the throbbing pain was still there. She pinched her arm trying to relieve the pain from her legs and made her way to the bathroom. It was there she looked in the mirror properly her long brown hair was still matted and her eyes looked red raw. She leaned in closer to the mirror and saw her mouth the first layer of lip had cracked, teeth marks dug deep into the lip it made her cringe at her hurting herself.

An hour and half later she was still in the bathroom making herself look presentable, it took 3 layers of make up to cover-up her bruise on her face. She put her hair to the one side to cover the bruise that lay on her shoulder, with one last sigh in the mirror she went back to her room. Jumping at the creak her parent's bed made, she quickly leaned her back against the closed door of her bedroom and told herself 'it wasn't him' she closed her eyes she knew today she had to face him. Today she would have to face her demons, today she knew it'd be hell if he had said anything the whole school would be on it but she doubted it he wouldn't have the guts to say anything in front of his friends' she shook her head from the thoughts and decided whatever comes she'll deal with it. She put a long white sleeved school shirt on over the top of her plain black bra along with her blue school jumper with the badge on her left side of her chest, this would be ok as it was winter and knew that she would be cold at her school and today she felt the need for comfort. Over the top of her matching panties she put the standard black trousers on with black knee high socks, the round toe dolly shoes she wore were black too. The tie that went around her neck was worn low and the knot was short, the navy blue and silver tie was standard at the school and most pupils wore it the exact way she had it. Today she needed to feel normal, today it was utmost importance that she didn't stand out that no-one could tell anything was wrong she needed to blend in with the crowd luckily the crowd she hung round with, not one of them cared for each other you were on your own and that was the way it would always be.

By the time she had finished putting her clothes on and had her bag ready, it was 7.55am she heard the knock on the door it was her friend who lived in the same street. Her name was Jessica she was a self centred person and didn't care for anyone else; Bella opened the door and let Jess in,

''Morning, oh you look nice. Oh my god I have so much to tell you!' Jessica said sitting down in Bella's small living room on the edge of her seat

'' hello Jessica'' Bella replied '' and thank you''

''seriously you remember mike right? Well he text me the other day...'' Jessica continued talking without stopping, Bella stood there staring into space when Jess stood up and came towards her.

Bella backed up against the wall jumping into the conversation to what Jess was saying.

''Are we going to school today or not?'' Jessica said

''um yh'' Bella grabbed her coat sighing relieved that nothing was going on. She grabbed her bag with the food her mother had done the night before for her to take to school and shouted ''goodbye'' to her family that was asleep. She slammed the door behind her and Jess, preparing herself for a day of lying to close friends that she knew wouldn't understand what had gone on.

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Author's note- sorry for the slow updates it's taking a while to write, hope you have the patience to carry on. Please read and review thank you xx


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